You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
