Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
