Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
