am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
