oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
