by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
