Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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