ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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