Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
