I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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