Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
