Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I touched a dick in church today
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
