So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
