We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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