Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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