He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
