Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
