I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
