i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
