Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
