dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
