why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
