Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
where are my eyebrows?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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