he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you had me at cake vodka
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
