mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
