How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
