I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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