I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
