Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
