Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
