At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
