Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
