i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
