We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
