I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
