He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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