Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
