when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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