A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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