Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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