Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
