he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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