mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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