Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
