i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
