it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
worst night to have a conscience
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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