??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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