I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
even my farts smell like vagina
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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