I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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