he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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