Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
